gorsecloud: (friends - well go together)
gorsecloud ([personal profile] gorsecloud) wrote2011-10-23 10:30 am

(no subject)

I'm going to be upfront and say right now that if you're an atheist or skeptic this might not be the journal entry for you. Not that I have any problem with that - you're perfectly welcome to believe or not believe whatever you wish or want to - just that you might not appreciate me talking a lot about God in this entry.

Times like right now I'm reminded that God really is a presence in my life. So, the storm knocked out the internet last night. It was a pretty damn big one, and I regret that I was too upset at the time to really enjoy it (I was getting wound up about other things, then the internet konking out on top of that). The thing is my mom told me something once, that for every prayer you have, God has three answers:
  • Yes
  • Yes, but not right now
  • I have something better in mind.
The third option is always the hardest for us to hear, because it means we're overriding our own immediate wants and desires for something, we don't know what. Like me last night. I wanted so badly for the internet to go back up so I could hug and cry on the shoulder of my friends about the stuff that I'd been getting wound up about. But I knew that the internet would not be going up until much later (it's still down now, I'm currently at the Student Union mooching off campus wireless), and any prayers I made (silly a thing as it might seem to be to pray about) would be answered with option 3. And it was hard to believe that God had a better plan in mind for me than that.

And yet he did.

Because the internet was down, I ended up trying to go to sleep much earlier than normal, and succeeding, if a little shakily (waking up every couple hours). Then at 8 am, I woke up, and took the recycling out since I'd told my roommates I'd do so. And then I saw outside.

About a half-hour later, I was back outside again with my camera, taking dozens of pictures of fallen leaves and needles and whatnot. I have a photography project due Tuesday, and because of my crazy sleeping schedule lately, I've been having a really hard time finding the time to take pictures, to find things that fit my topic. But this morning? This morning was like landing on an utter goldmine of everything I needed: time, material that fitted my topic beautifully, and most importantly, I was awake and energized. Would this have happened if the internet hadn't konked out at 1:30 am?

No it wouldn't.

I would likely have stayed up until 6 am, further worsened my sleeping schedule, and completely missed this golden opportunity. Now I'm a great deal closer to sleeping at sane hours, and have probably all the pictures I'll need for Tuesday, I'm sitting here at Student Union with my ADHD meds taken instead of forgotten or avoided so I could sleep like usual, and have several materials with me to work on homework, and for all intents and purposes am set up for an extremely productive day before I meet my parents at 1 pm to go and try out cheeses at the local Farmers Market, then come home and open up Rifted Guilds Reserves at 7 pm tonight.

You can call it coincidence, happy circumstance, or luck or me making the best of it, or whatever you want to. You have every right to believe what you wish. But so do I, and I personally? Am going to thank God for giving me this opportunity. And maybe feel a bit good with myself for recognizing it as that, yeah. ^^; But still.

I've had my times of doubts, I'll admit. But faith is a thing I think we're meant to keep exploring. I don't think God would want us to keep to older beliefs just because they're tradition, especially if they're hurting people now. Part of why I can be Catholic by birth and baptism and yet still believe in LGBT rights, and be on the fence with Pro-Life versus Pro-Choice (probably leaning Pro-Choice, though I don't like abortion by any stretch of the imagination). I'm wonderful in that I've had a supportive family in that regard.

I dunno where all I'm going with this. I'm just happy to be where I am right now. And I should probably try to keep this ball of productivity going.


Hope everyone's having a good day!

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