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gorsecloud ([personal profile] gorsecloud) wrote2012-02-28 06:51 pm

30 Memories Writing Challenge - 2

Not as angsty as yesterday, but still not happy. Kind of a side effect of being Xion. Also I'm not sure if it was ever confirmed that Xion and Riku traveled together after he helped her on Destiny Islands, but I like to think they did. :|a For multiple reasons.

Day 2 - Prompt Chosen: Zinnia; Thoughts of friends

She doesn't talk with Riku all that much, while they're travelling together, and when she does, the conversation comes in fits and bursts that are few and far between. In some ways, it seems like he's just like that; someone quiet, who doesn't say much unless there's something to say. She doesn't have as many memories of him, so it's hard to say how much it lines up with what she knows. Or rather, what Sora knows.

But the other part of her knows that he's giving her time to herself to think. This is her choice, her decision. And it will be a big one. Giving back the memories inside of her was not as simple as just handing back a borrowed item. It wouldn't be this hard to choose if it was. And from what she gathers the few times she's asked why he's letting her stay, he wants her to make the choice for herself. Even though his presence - silent as it is - adds a bias, better the one who gave her the choice in the first place than the Organization, who never gave her any choices at all.

Without her friends, her decision would have been so much easier. But as she travels, her thoughts dwell on them, a sharp pang that's come and gone and come again as she's traveled, both before and after gaining a silent companion. She glances over her shoulder, expecting to see someone there, or something familiar, and she just doesn't know what it is. It even makes it hard to sleep some nights, tossing and turning with a vague hollow feeling in her chest.

The one time she asks, there's a pause, before Riku finally replies, "You're probably homesick."

The answer startles her. She's not sure she had or can ever really think of The World that Never Was as "home." It's the only place she's ever known, to be sure. But the feelings she's gotten there, of being an outsider, having to hide so much of herself. Unlike Roxas, it hasn't escaped her attention that the name and the chairs have never changed, that she's always been the odd one out, fourteenth of a group that only counted the first thirteen.

For a day or two, his response actually distracts her and she wonders, as they travel from world to world, hiding their trail to prevent pursuers. And it's finally as she's staring at unfamiliar tree roots when she's supposed to be sleeping that she gets it.

Her friends are her home.

Her home is sitting atop the clock tower, joking and pushing, laughing despite not having hearts to feel amusement with. Her home is a blonde spiky-haired teen holding up a stick and talking about improvisation. Her home is a tall red-haired man with an easy laugh and a catchphrase they're both sick of hearing and yet not.

And what's more, she gets why Riku never seemed bothered, about her being homesick - another tie that might make it harder to give up. After all, she may not have many memories of him, but the ones she does have, there are three of them. Sitting together on palm trees, making plans to see other worlds... Something he must miss, just as she misses sitting with Roxas and Axel, watching their own sunset.

It seems their pain is a shared one.

She isn't sure what she is yet, or what she needs to be - Xion, or a part of Sora. But she knows what she wants, so she clings these memories, these thoughts of her friends. They are what keep her being "her," since so much of what she is just pure memories.

It doesn't make it easier, but her whole life has been a struggle anyways. At least this is a struggle she's accepted herself.